fighting is winning

Not too long ago, while I was in the midst of a tough day, switching the laundry for the upteenth time and just kind of down with myself because it seemed that I was really struggling to stop sinning, I thought, "Why does it always feel like a fight?" I had asked my sons' forgiveness several times for raising my voice in anger, my home was constantly messy, my heart was struggling not to blame my circumstances for everything and it just seemed that I kept telling Jesus in frustration, "I don't know, God, I just need your help!" I couldn't even think of what to say, but the Holy Spirit interceded for me and gave me a wonderful thought. Fighting is winning. If I wasn't even trying, then I would be losing. Yes, I have had to repent of sin several times within an hour, but I repented.

I think some of my struggle has to do with, perhaps, not recognizing that I was believing in lies. Why am I so surprised at my sin? The Bible never says, "There will be a day while you live on earth that you no longer struggle with sin and everything is easy." Never. That's a lie. It says things like, "For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I want to do- this I keep doing", said by Paul, who wrote how many books of the New Testament? And then Jesus says hard things like, "If anyone should come after me, let him deny himself and take up his his cross daily and follow me." Or in James, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trial of various kinds..."

Thankfully, we know that in those trials, whatever they may be (even something as "little" as a bad day filled with tantrums [by parent or child] and chores), we can talk to God about it. David shows us this by courageously asking, "Why Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?" God responds to us through the words of Jesus, "Come to me all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest." We can run to him and cry to him because he is our Father who created our inmost being, he knit us together while we were still in our mothers' womb. He loves us because God is love. He proves it with his enduring patience since the beginning of time.

So, Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say Rejoice! When we are weak, we really are strong... in Christ. It has been shown to me over and over again, especially in the past year- when I depend on my strength, I crumble and there is little, if any, hope. But when I lean on the unequal strength of my loving Father, my circumstances can be exactly the same, but there is HOPE. And with that comes peace that surpasses all understanding. What a joy and gift to have a God who knows me completely and still loves me. Who can empathize with me because he has been tempted to sin in every way as I have, though he never sinned. He has suffered. He has bled. He has poured himself out for my sake! Thank you Jesus, for dying on the cross, suffering the punishment for my sin, suffering separation from the Father, and rising from the grave to conquer satan, sin and death, so that I can be truly free by trusting in you. You are the one true God, the Author and Perfecter of my faith.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods,
for his steadfast love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords,
for his steadfast love endures forever;